Just What is the Southern Restoration Society (The World's Greatest Country and Western Band)?

The Southern Restoration Society, or SRS, plays clean, wholesome country music to a state of hell bound California sinners decadently bubbling in their hot tubs (Just remember, sissy man, hell's gonna be a helluva of a lot hotter!). Banjos, guitars, slide guitars, acoustic guitars and bass guitars help set the tone.

The Southern Restoration Society's motto is "Bringin' Back Values to Godless California" and that's precisely what we're doin'. Our organization was founded by a group of displaced expatriates from throughout the great Southern Diaspora who were brought together in common suffering from persecution by the united Yankee front. The SRS is a multi-cultural group comprised of Southerners of all different creeds and colors united in their common belief that most Californians are hell bound sinners probably without the slightest chance of redemption. Californians, even if they got down on their knees and started praying, it is our belief, are a bunch of no good nasal talking, money grubbing, flip flop sandal wearing, soulless yuppie vampires out to destroy God's green earth and make everybody go to 12-step programs.

Some of our "helping" activities are:

1. Bass Fishing Relapse Retreat; we help sissies who quit drinking get reacquainted with the joy of beer, hard liquor and wine!
   
2. Give the Hippie a Bath Day; we go to parks in and around San Francisco, pick up hippies and bathe them in hot scalding water with lye and wire brushes to kill crab lice and scabies.
   
3. Fix a Tattered American Flag Outreach Program where the boys mend Old Glories that are frayed and tattered by time.
4. Gutter Punk Deodorant Giveaway.
   
5. Passing Out Guns to the Homeless; cuz nothing empowers the homeless like a .44 magnum pistol.
   
6. Hookers for Retired Vets Fund; once a year the Southern Restoration Society takes a busload of sex workers, heh, heh, heh, down to a specially selected American Legion Hall where for one night and one day our fighting men are finally treated with the respect they deserve.
   
7. Vegan Deprogramming, Fried Chicken Jubilee; it's an all meat weekend with our famous hot dog smoothies and non-bread hamburgers buns!
   
8. Nationwide Find Janet Reno a Date Competition; in it's sixth year of running this has proven one of our most difficult tasks. You'd think the fact that she roasted tiny children alive might turn on some people in the satanic Golden State, but apparently even the kinkiest, Anton LeVey loving, shock gore Faces of Death watching, necrophiliac hipster in California has some standards.

These are just a few of things we try to bring to the community outside of our musical endeavors. We also perform more mundane functions that Californians neglect like cleaning up dog feces from the sidewalk, going to church, helping old ladies across the street, cleaning up trash off the street, etc. Remember, it's never too late to turn to Jesus Christ as your savior and lord. One simple practice on the road to redemption is to get down on your knees, something most Californians are used to, right now and say, "I'm sorry for being a sinful, godless Californian and I promise never to do it again, Jesus. Say this with as much conviction as possible and maybe He'll hear you and put some hair on your chest, otherwise there's no hope for redemption outside of coming to see the Southern Restoration Society, the world's greatest country band, spread the good word.

Read the lyrics to one of their songs, "2 by 4 ."